Posted in July 2008

Bad Sci-Fi from when I was 14

They had once all been equal. Each had played a pivotal role in the supplying a network of other villages with enough for survival. Long ago they had all had names. Time had faded these, much like the villagers themselves.

They were a tired people. Tired of working the land, tired of fear. Tired of trying to regain what had been lost. Once, all had a fierce pride in the goods produced and defended their village. Once, each village had been more prosperous than the next, with crowds of people flocking to each one to begin trade, or to purchase goods for their own communities. Every year, the Hub would begin to become more lively as spring grew closer and closer. Festivals and celebrations were celebrated to each village’s god of choice.

Eventually, things changed. New towns and cities offered things cheaper and faster. Trade fell off. Colors faded, as did the memory of the splendor of the country that was once Heldengust.

CHAPTER 1

Anyon walked disgustedly between the rows in his mother’s garden. His eye was still smarting from his most recent encounter with the village bully, Oram.

“Anyon. Sounds like Onion,” he muttered angrily. It was a taunt he had heard since he was a young child. He kicked at an onion shoot in dismay. It cracked and bent. Immediately, Anyon felt guilty.

Checking to make sure no one was watching, he settled himself on the ground next to the damaged shoot. He took a deep breath and cupped the shoot gently between his hands. Light flared around his fingertips. Anyon settled back, a light sweat sprouting on his brow. Without warning, his head began to throb. He got up and settled himself against a nearby tree. He glanced at the shoot in satisfaction. It stood just as it had before his attack, straight and proud.

He smiled and leaned back farther against the tree. He shut his eyes and listened. He could feel the rough bark under his scalp and heard the whisper of the leaves above him in the wind. With the song of nature in his ears, he drifted off to sleep.

Why I Do Theatre

I do theatre because I love it, and I find myself in it. I am not truly happy untill I am on a stage, or rehearsing to be on one. There’s a reason I put up with idiots, mean people, jerks and weird-os…because I love it too much to give it up.

I love the moment where your mind goes blank–you stop thinking about anything and you find yourself still singing and dancing and acting, but this time, you’re actually in the moment. You’ve reached elysium.

I love the late night drives home in the quiet, knowing that you’re superior to the other late night drivers on the road because you’ve just come down off of your post-show high.

I love having dual styles: on stage and off. I love explaining to restaurant workers and gas station attendants that I’m not a hooker, I just haven’t taken off my stage make-up yet.

I love listening to a standing ovation, even if it’s not for me. I love sitting back stage just waiting to go on, and I love the anticipation of opening nights and the bittersweet closing nights.

I love the rediculous amounts of partying that happens after the show. I love meeting the best friends I have, and being able to say goodbye (but not really because you know that in 2 months you’ll see eachother again).

I love knowing that I’ve made life-long friendships…and maybe some enemies. I love dealing with the drama that goes with community theatre. I love sitting around and listening to tales of “the good old days”, when pick-up rehearsals were a joke and the theatre was still outdoors.

I love just sitting around playing cards and laughing with my friends, or assisting with a rediculously quick costume change. I love the tension in a stuck zipper or a missing shoe, and I love the sense of being a “somebody” that happens when you get a body mike for the first time.

I love the stank-assness that happens in the dressing rooms and I love playing “spot the costume/set/prop/actor” at invited dress. I love listening to people bitch about bad reviewers, but never attempting to review themselves.

I love doing the little things that people don’t notice, like vaccuuming or taking out the trash, and just knowng that i did something for the betterment of all, as jaded and misguided as that sounds.

I love coming home to a filthy room because you haven’t had time to clean it. I love being a fast-food connesuir. I love knowing the waitress’ name at Steak n Shake because that’s our “spot”. .

I hate the blisters that are permanantly scarred onto my feet, but i love knowing that they got there doing something I love. I love coming home covered in paint and smelling like sweat and sawdust before the show starts.

I love the smell of the theatre, and I love picking the paint off the floor while we listen to notes. I love looking down into the pit and seeing my friends making faces at me whilst I try not to laugh.

I love everything about it..even the bad times. Times when you don’t get a part, or your costume sucks, or you hate the show, or everything seems to be going wrong…even then I still love it.

and I always will. and knowing that I’v found what makes me whole is a wonderfull feeling.

Banter from the next Judd Apatow Film…or not…

Zach: I got it. we’ll call my cousin alec.
cat: who?
Z: cousin alec.
cat: gay cousin alec?
Z: yeah
c: no. no. nonono.
Z: why not?
c. last time i saw him he told me that I had a fat ass
Z; that was like 5 years ago. and besides. he was drunk. and he’s gay. that’s like…what he does.
c. no, zach. no. put down the phone. zach…put down the phone. zach?
(fight ensues with the cell phone being tossed between the guys. finally cat is pinned beneath ben and we hear zach say…
z: alec! buddy! I need a favor. it’s kind of an emergency.

The guys are talking amongst themselves while they play a video game.

B; i mean, she’s got nice tits. that’s got to count for something
D: well, obviously. they’re tits
Z: yeah, but I mean you have to aknowledge the fact that she knows more about portal than I do.
D: that doesn’t negate the fact that she’s got nice tits
B: no, but it also doesn’t help the fact that she acts like a raging lesbian
D: a raging lesbian with nice tits
Z: Dan!
D; what?
Z: shut the fuck up. we’re trying to have a discussion here.
D: you’re not discussing anyhting. you’re talking about cat’s tits.
B: or lack thereof.
Z: ben!
B: what?
Z: just…fuck it. (takes a hit).
D: all i’m saying is that you can’t negate nice tits, even if you do like star trek
B: bullshit.
D: what?
B: i’m calling bullshit.
D: why?
B: you’re telling me that if some chick came up to you who looked like…pamela fucking anderson. you’d still tap that, even if she told you that she spoke klingon?
D: dude, if a chick came up to me and told me she spoke klingon, i’d fuck her then and there.
H: I fucked your mom’s klingon last night
All: shut up, herb.

Cat: I got asked out.
Z: what?
Cat; I got asked out.
B: by who?
Cat: a guy?
D: shit! (dan passes ben 20 bucks)
Cat: fuck you. yes, a guy.
B: I told you, motherfucker.
H: what are you going to wear, dude?
Z: what?
H: I said what are you goign to wear?
C: to what?
h: the date, dude
C: I don’t know.
H: dude, well you better figure that shit out, man. you can’t go looking like that. look at you
C: fuck off. (the guys are all staring at her) what? WHAT?
B: this may be the one and only time i ever say this…but herb’s right man.
D: seriously. i mean…dude.
C (Goes to mirror) what?
Z: they’re right. girls don’t dress like that, cat. I’m just saying.
B: seriously.
c: fuck!

My Re-occuring dream

It’s one of those dreams you keep having and even in the middle of your dream you know “this is going to be scary” The entire dream is like a movie played out in my head. There’s a narrorater who sounds like the guy who does the voice overs for movie ads and his name is Jim. I don’t know why I know that but I do.
It starts out with a view of a simple blue farmhouse somewhere .All the windows and doors are boarded up and there is a big huge fence around the property. The ‘camera???’ pulls up and shows the full house while  Jim  explains that in the olden days, an evil witch lived there. The ‘scene’ goes into flashback and it shows the evil witch casting spells on people. Then a bunch of people come with pitchforks and stuff  and set her house on fire, with her in it. Jim explains that her spirit is trapped within the house and that’s why it’s boarded up. If anyone ever left one window open a centimeter, her spirit could escape and do evil all over, but her spirit can only be released at night..
The the scence changes to a beautiful spring morning, present day. A group of archeologists are trying to learn about all the different things that happened in the town, and they hear about this old, old house that has been boarded up since the day of this fire. But the weird thing was is that the house is perfect. No burn damage at all. The legend says that the house repaired itself useing the evil power of the witch. One of the young archeologists figure out that if this is true, the house will still have everything in it that a 15th century farm house would—exactly set up in a perfect example of living. So they decide to check it out.
They go into the house and check it out. Jim explains that they spent the entireday there. You see images of the stuff in the house–a butterchurn, a old table, candles, weird skulls and things…but the wierd thing is is that everything is perfectly clean. it’s like someone is still living there. One of the archeologists thinks that’s really creepy, so they decide to leave.
By this time, it’s night. You see them leave, and Jim takes over again. He then starts talking about how everything is back to normal and that the witch is securly contained. Then the “camera” pans over to a window open slightly. A cool breeze is blowing the lace curtains around inside. and then Jim says “Or is she?”. Then an ungodly shreiking fills the air and I wake up. Odd.

Just…something….

It was late. Not the early-morning hour where one’s not quite sure whether to specify the hour as early or late, but late. The summer air was thick with lingering humidity from the day, and the only breeze that stirred was from the droning electic fan that sat on the table accross from the bed.
It was clear that this was to be a sleepless night, and the cotton sheet tangled around her feet only added to her frustration. It was too hot for the simple sheet, but too cold without it. She kicked herself mentally for not remembering to take the little white pills that helped her slip into sleep so easily. It was too late for them now–she’d just have to do it on her own. The glare from the cheap alarm clock next to her bed reminded her that there were only 6 hours left until she has to get up–at this rate, she was never going to get to bed.
She turned over onto her side, and waited until her eyes adjusted to the darkness. There was some light–an ugly, orange light that radiated from the light post in the alley, that somehow, even from behind a garage, a tree and a drawn window shade managed to beam streaks of the ugly light into the room and cast shadows on the wall. Fantastical shadow, not theatening, just interesting. As a child, she would watch these shahows for hours, interested to see how they would cavort and stretch before the rising sun chased them away and she was forced to find other, more sutable entertainments for someone her age.  She reached out and examined the cool, bumpy plaster that had gone through three different coats of paint.
Indicicive, that’s what she was. There had been the pure white, but it was easily soiled. Then there was the pink, but she had quickly outgrown that. Lastly was the plan for four different colored walls, but her practical mother has quashed that dream quickly, and seafoam green had been chosen.
But in the semi-darkness, she could still she the areas under the window sill and above the closet where the green had not been perfectly applied, places where the white and the pink bled through. She had hidden these carefully from her mother, wanting to please her, hoping that her carelessness would be overlooked. It had been.
She looked at the glowing red numbers, squinting at the sudden glare
The number 12 was sturdy. It was thick and bold..even on the digital clock, it was unconsciously the center..it stood for something.
She hated the number 7. It was limp, useless. It seemed to symbolize all of the failures–school, job interviews, later, auditions–each time, the alarm had carefully been set for 7:00, and every time, she had walked out sobbing. She was destined to be unlucky, especially when it came to things she wanted.

Magnifyer

time creates a looking glass
as senses fade and faces pass
along the broken sidewalks along the sunny side of town

i’ll over look the cracks and with my whole heart
come home to you.

The Start of Something…

its an interesting feeling, knowing that you’ve faded. it brings up several issues, some of which are either than others. How do you explain to your mother? your friends? how do you go about describing the knowledge that you have become grey? it sounds rediculous, some sort of emo indie hipster slogan for saving the environment through laundry. “I’ve gone grey” isn’t exactly a phrase we hear on a day to day basis.
The idea, then, is rather than trying to escape the feeling, accepting it and using that knowledge to fufill whatever goals and aspirations we may have. Admittedly, there are days when I don’t want to have goals, or dreams, or aspirations. I just want to sleep. but the true power lies in taking the first few steps out of bed, however hesitant they may be.
The best part of all of this is that there is always room for failure, always room for regression. it’s a natural part of life. It’s hard to reprogram your DVD burner–reporgramming your life to color is something that takes finesse and dedication. it won’t happen overnight.
But what exactly is this grey? It’s a feeling of general dissastisfaction, yes, but it’s more than that. It’s a feeling of perpetual melencholy, of wistful longing for some better. It’s fucking depression.

A Column About College

So after completing my first full week of “real” college, I suppose some of my more regular readers (read: my mom) would like to know how I’m doing. The answer is fantastic. Really!  College is all I expected it to be. Of course, the only research I did was watching the movie “Animal House”, so I guess I can only go up from there.
But outside of the hallowed halls of learning, there are larger, more important life lessons that are being taught on a daily (make that nightly) basis. Take for instance, the George Foreman grill. Invented by the gods, and passed down through the ages unto us, the lowly college student. They tell you it’s for cooking things, but it can be used for much more. A short list: a clothes dryer, an iron, a space heater, and a waffle maker (if you don’t mind having sideways lines).
And this is my first time in a dorm room as well! It’s working out pretty well. I have the lofted bed, which means I get to perform an aerial ballet every time I feel like sleeping. And I found out it hurts pretty bad if you fall out. And the on-campus nurse thinks it’s hilarious as well, which makes it fun when you’re asking for crutches.
On top of all this, I’m learning to manage a schedule. Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays I have about four hours in between classes, so there’s a lot of time to get important things done. Like watching The Price is Right. Or CSI, Law and Order (insert your favorite alphabet letters here), or Spike Lee movies. Because it does not matter what time of day it is. Those shows will be on. And two out of the three will be repeats that you’ve already seen, but you don’t care! You’ve got four hours to kill, and the ten page paper can wait.
Managing a schedule also means knowing your cafeteria hours, something I have not yet managed. See, the cafeteria is a magical place where the food never runs out and there are always real Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisps available to be part of your balanced breakfast. Which consists of two bowls of Lucky Charms and a bowl of ice cream, just like on TV.
(I’ve also learned that cafeteria does not have two “f”s, something I honestly did not know until I started writing this column. Not that I write for the paper or anything.) But you only get this food if you know when it’s open. Nothing like coming back from the library dying of hunger to find the doors locked. Luckily, I’ve learned the skills of the grilled cheese sandwich on the George Foreman grill.
College is very different, but I think I’m gonna like it. Where else can a slip-n-slide mysteriously appear in the hallway overnight? Where else can you find yourself on stage with a stand-up comedian or watching a fireworks show from the library? Where else can you meet tons of fun people from all over the….Midwest? (So our foreign student to farmer ratio isn’t exactly huge.)
College is going to be a lot of fun. And I can’t wait to be a part of it–after I figure out when dinner is.
Stay tuned for my next installment: Fun at Theatre Movement class

Car Talk (published 4/2007)

So since I was young, I dreamed of the day when I would own my own car. I kept a list of the ideal cars that I would someday own and agonized over paint choices.  My world was filled with potential: replica Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs, BMWs, Porches, Aston Martins. I knew what I wanted.
Then one day Mom drove the car home…my shiny blue…Toyota Corolla. Not that I’m complaining. It’s got great gas mileage and a roomy trunk. The back seat can also hold 6 people…7 in a real pinch.
And now that I’ve turned 19, the Catiemobile (or crapolla as some cruel and nonunderstanding folks have deemed him) recently turned over to 100,000. It was nice to share a birthday together, but it seems that some people have it out for the Catiemobile.
Especially since the oil incident. The Catiemobile is great, but he burns oil like it’s his job. And so our story begins. Names have been changed to protect the innocent…or at least the incompetent.  One night, I went home. I mentioned that the genie lamp had been flickering. So a man who happens to reside at my house and who looks a lot like my dad said he would go outside and fill the oil for me.
A few days later, the oil light kept mysteriously flickering on and  off. One night, my roommate Abby and I were at a party and we decided to go to Steak n Shake, and there was the Catiemobile, weeping oil from the front grill. It was terrifying. I drive my car…I don’t know how it works.
Well, we took it to the car place, and it turns out that that same person who looks remarkably like my dad had left off the oil cap when he refilled it, thusly nearly destroying the Catiemobile forever. But he’s not the only one who’s done dumb things.
Take, for example, the great key incident of 2006. It was my friend Rachel’s birthday. So, like any good friend, I decided to make her a 5 layer cake, and bring it to her. So I was driving safely like I always do, talking on my cell phone, choosing a CD and holding a five layer cake on my lap. I arrived at Rachel’s house, and delivered the cake, only to discover that I had locked my keys in the car.  Here was a problem. So I called my mom and she drove the 20 minutes to give me the keys. When we answered the door, she was…slightly annoyed.  It turns out that I may have accidentally left the driver’s side window down a little. Okay, actually it was wide open. But I SWEAR that I couldn’t tell from where I was standing!
Recently, the Catiemobile went through a name change. He is no longer the Catiemobile, but the Yetimobile. This is because whenever I turn left, my car gives a cry like a dying yeti. This is probably not a good thing, but  I figure until I see flames, I’ll leave it alone. I believe in holistic car healing. And in the fact that my brother should pay for the damages because he was the one who drove it though that nice old lady’s bushes and into a stop sign…
Maybe the newly christened Yetimobile will convince my parents that I really, really, really do need a van….

_________________________

Edit:

My car was recently renamed John The Baptist as it foretells my coming from at least two blocks away.

Thought you should know.

A Column About Abby (Published Feb. 2007)

College is all about meeting people and sharing new experiences. And this year, I got really lucky. Through a series of random and lucky events, I met my roommate Abby.
Abby is a…special person.  Tiny, incredibly talented and  a fiery Irish red-head, she is one of the craziest and most random people I’ve ever met. And that’s why I love her.
We’ve been on many adventures together–it just so happens that we share an obsession with Steak N Shake and Village Inn, so many a night we’ve traveled in the Catiemobile or the Abbymobile..(it actually has another name, but we’ve decided it’s not printable here) in search of shakes or pancakes.
I’ve heard tales of people with consistently perky roommates…this may be true of Abby, but one thing I’m grateful for is that we are both not morning people. Our morning routine consists of Abby’s evil cell phone alarm going off at least three times before I shoot her with a nerf gun to make her wake up. Eventually, we mosey on down to the cafeteria and stare at each other over our cereal until one of us sighs and attempts to move. And her newest habit of waking me up by yelling Dane Cook sketches at me is pretty effective…just don’t tell her I told you that.
Abby has also taught me about the glory that is ramen noodles , which are very important for a college student. Her taste in music has  also started to rub off on me. My Ipod is in danger of being maxed out with  random indie bands…but I was quite excited to learn that we both think emo kids are hilarious.
Abby is famous for her  persistent optimism…she even has a “wall of dreams”…a huge list of her life’s goals that she’s meticulously printed on index cards and coded to know if she’s completed yet.
She is currently braving the highest bunk in Cosgrove hall and has assisted in the “great fish rescue” of 2007. Nurbler and Alfred are living quite happily together on Abby’s desk. (Tar Tar Lord of the Underworld would probably eat them…so I let Abby take care of the goldfishes.)
And I’m sure some of you who know me are a little concerned with our living situation. But it’s okay…Abby’s messy too. Not as messy as me, but as our door says “it’s not that we’re messy, it’s just that we do theatre”. In fact, our room is sort of famous…if you need anything random, anything sewn, a rare movie or soundtrack, you hit up our room. We even entered our room in the school’s messiest room contest….we plan on dominating.
I’ve also found myself getting into what I call “Abby Habits”: for instance, her obsession with polka-dots and Dale Earnhardt Jr. lets me spot any product with either on them from over 50 feet away. And I’ve also developed a horrible case of music ADD thanks to Abby…I can’t listen to any song on my Ipod for more than about 45 seconds without having the sudden urge to change songs.
All in all, I have to say that Abby is one high quality roommate. She’s hilarious, crazy, and also just a really good friend. Last week she drove all the way home to get a DVD for me because I was in a bad mood and wanted to cheer me up. And she didn’t even get mad when I bought  a sofa for our room that didn’t exactly fit….

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