Monthly Archives: January 2012

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Playing Lavinia

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I’m sure most of my regular readers (hey Facebook) know by now that I’m going to be playing Lavinia in the Prenzie Player’s 2012 production of TItus Andronicus, (Shameless self-promotional details are at the bottom of the page).

I found out I was playing Lavinia in September, and (admittedly) I had over-researched the character by June. There was just something fantastically interesting about the character, and something about the challenge of the vulnerability and pain the character goes through really fascinated me.

With the childhood experiences that I had, it’s just really weird that I’m cast as Lavinia. Don’t worry, I wasn’t raped or anything, but my mom is the sole prosecutor of all rape/molestation/pedophile cases for Rock Island country, so growing up, I was raised in this stringent household of absolute victim’s rights and respect for these women. I remember coming home to the dining room table covered in boxes, and when I finally made the connection that each one of those boxes represented a rape victim, it just devastated me that so many “bad” people were out there in the world. Now I’m playing, really, the quinticential “rape” victim, and the silencing that Lavinia goes through, both metaphorically and literally has been really hard for me to deal with.

My instinct is just to go tell my mom so she can put the assholes in jail. Doing research on the show, it’s been eye-opening to see the level of silencing that sexual assault victims have in our country. In my little world, every victim has a voice, but really, that’s almost the opposite of what is true.

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Juicing…

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I would like to begin by saying that I hate the term “juicing”.

It’s annoying. “Oh, are you ‘juicing?” “Did you juice today?” “What’s your juicing goal?” I don’t know, what’s your solid food goal?

Every time someone sees me drinking my (delicious) breakfast/lunch of homemade juice, I get asked about my “juicing lifestyle”.

I don’t have a juicing lifestyle. I just decided it was high time to start eating vegetables, and this seemed like the most practical way to do it.

I watched the documentary “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” and it was fantastic. I started looking into juicers that day, but it wasn’t a financial possibility until my wonderful boyfriend bought me a juicer for Christmas. We decided to start trying to eat a little healthier and get a little more exercise, but that was it.

I also did a ton of research before I plowed right in, because I didn’t want to wind up with more health problems than I started with. The problem is, it seems to me, that there is a lack of what I shall call “moderate” juicers, who enjoy a glass or two during the day, but don’t make it their life’s goal to subside solely on juice.

I learned early on that an “all or nothing” approach was not going to work for me. Why? One, because I lived for about 6 years in an eating disordered all-or-nothing mindset and it. doesn’t. work. Eventally, I became so fixated on what I wanted/couldn’t have because it’s was “going to make me fat” that about 4 foods were “safe” for me to eat. Sending myself down the same path of deprivation is a very simple thing to do, and the “juicing lifestyle’ promoted on the internet is one, that, I’m sure for some works wonderfully, but for me, it’s too easy to fall back into old habits.

I also just really like steak. Steak with crusted with garlic butter and parmesean cheese with a side of rosemary roasted potatoes. And as much as I love my veggie juice, carrot juice is not a medium rare steak fresh off of the grill.

Making healthy choices is distinctly different task for me. I still struggle to see any difference between moderation and deprivation: In reality, there is no such thing as a ”bad” food, there are just foods that should be eaten less often and in smaller amounts. Sometimes foods! (I’m sure Big Macs and DoubleDowns could be listed as “bad foods”.) However, that is far easier said than practiced, especially with our busy schedules and after-rehearsal late-night dinners.

Do I feel better since I stated drinking juice? Yes!
Have I lost weight? Shit yeah.
Does it taste good? Actually, it’s really good. And I’m super picky.

Am I going to become one of those obnoxious youtubers trying to convert everyone I know to juice cleansing? No, because I’m not a hippie.

Do I consider myself as “juicing”? No, I consider myself as someone who is actively taking steps to better their own health one small choice at a time. But that takes longer to say.