Being A Whore and Other Adventures Of Theatre Major-y (Published 10/2006)

I’ve been at St. Ambrose for almost two months now, and things are going smashingly. I’ve met loads of fun new people, done crazy college things and become a whore. A dirty one, no less.
(Okay, so it’s in the musical, and I took that statement completely out of context. But it’s still fun to tell people I’m a whore. Especially my dad. )
And because of this role, I’ve learned several very important things. First, high heels are an acquired talent. It also hurts if you fall down whilst wearing said heels. It also is possible to dance somewhat like an ape in a corset and high heels; you just gotta have skills. And these skills are not something that come unnaturally…you gotta work on them for awhile.
So the show’s Threepenny Opera, and wouldn’t you know —it’s this weekend. (Note: shameless self-promotion follows). Call the Galvin Fine Arts Center  at (563) 333-6251 for tickets.
In addition to all of this fun stuff, I also got a job working at a haunted house.  Which, in my opinion, is about one of the most fun things ever. Where else can you scream at people for no legitimate reason and get away with it? And it’s not just the stress relief–not only do I get to put on some sweet make-up, I also have the best costume ever: A towel. That’s right. A towel. It’s a bloody towel, but a towel nonetheless.
See, the plan was that I was going to be the “scary locker-room/Psycho/Carrie” take-off. The only problem was that the room I was supposed to be in was a little….distracting due to the presence of certain other characters.  So I moved into another room, where the look turned into a sort of “The Grudge/The Ring” sort of look. Which is pretty sweet if you ask me.
But it is hard to keep a straight face when dorky teenage boys start making fun comments, or even better, when they scream like little girls and then try to play it off like nothing happened.  You’ve really not lived until you’ve seen a group of grown men clinging to each other trying to get away from the scary girl in the towel.
I’ve found that people scare differently, which makes ‘spooking’ more fun. Some people get really scared and scream at the slightest noise, and some won’t say anything. Others just cold-cock people in the face. (Okay, that was me. But it was an accident. Sort of. I said I was sorry.) Then you have your “too cool for school” types, who pretend like they aren’t scared at all., and just mosey on through the haunted hause giggling.  Those are the people I enjoy scaring most of all. Because the plan is to act all cool and the spooks will write you off as a lost cause. Not me. That’s who I go for. Because the trick is to make them think you’re done scaring them, and then move in for a second attack. Or a third.
And speaking of haunted houses…..the Silvis/East Moline Jaycee’s Haunted House is also this weekend! And every other weekend in October. It’s at the Quad City Downs, and  it opens Fridays at 7:00 PM.
Now to tell Mom what really happened to her favorite towel….

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