A Story I Wrote In The Chinese Buffet While I Waited For The Donuts To Come Out.

Understanding my tendency to underestimate and overexaggerate, it seems only appropriate that I pause here to say that this story, above all else, is not entirely honest. I suppose if I fess up to it early enough, by the end you may just start to believe me when I tell you that I am a master of deceit. Which really shouldn’t suprize you–my advice is to never trust the omnipotent because I promise you the power has gone to our heads.

It is in this mindset that I begin my tale. To start, it began in a tiny village in a tiny house in a country no one has ever bothered to hear of. This much is true. Well, I suppose “tiny” is relative but I assure you that no more than two people could fit inside comfortably, but at the begining (where we are now), only one person occupied this particular residence and lived a comfortable, although cramped, life.

This is how my story begins. A fellow can live alone for a great majority of his life, but it is a solemn truth that eventually, one’s heart starts to search for its missing half. Unfortunately for Mr. William Jonathan, he had attributed these pangs to last night’s dinner and gone about his buisness for quite some time. And so, on November 27th at 2:27 in the afternoon, William’s heart decided to do the searching without him.

It is important that I pause once more to say that William Jonathan was an extraordinary fellow. Despite the fact that he had two first names, he had managed to grow up to become a widely respected (and greatly admired) citizen of the village. He was not unattractive in the least. Most girls in the village would agree that William was quite handsome. (This becomes important later on).

However, an unfortuanate thing to be noted about our friend William is that aside from a passing glance in the pitted glass of his father’s shop to perhaps check and see if his hair was not entirely mussed, William had no idea how truly remarkable he was. And so, he went through the mundanities of life, never stopping for a moment to realized he was destined for something far greater. Luckily for us, he was about to.

Not but three days after William’s heart made such a bold decision on behalf of its host, William began experiencing great Pains Of The Heart. And not but four hours after those pains began, William Jonathan was dead.

This is not entirely honest.