This is a short story that I wrote my sophomore year and forgot about entirely until I was cleaning out my hard drive last week. The story is such: we were walking back from the cafeteria on a freezing cold snowy Iowa day, and I happened to have taken a bowl of mashed potatoes with me. I don’t know why this seemed like a good idea. Anyway, so we’re walking back to our room and this GIANT snowflake lands in my mashed potatoes. I scream “I don’t like snow in my mashed potatoes”, and Abby rolls her eyes. When we got back to the room, she jumped in the shower and by the time she came out, this was waiting for her on her desk. Abby rolled her eyes some more.
Sidney Tulaska lived in Alaska in a tiny small town by the sea
Every day he’d look out his window and Sidney would hate what he’d see
Snow! Tons of snow!
There was snow all around
snow on the rooftops and snow on the ground
there was snow on the sidewalks, on driveways and cars
and poofy grey snow clouds would cover the stars.
Sidney said nothing and bided his time
and while he was biding, snow started to climb
higher and higher till it covered the brush
While the streets and the sidewalks were covered with slush
the snow blew and drifted and covered the trees
and made snowy patterns in the cold winter breeze
Sidney retired to bed at a quarter past eight
and thought nasty things about snow (Oh, the hate!)
As he drifted to sleep in his big fluffy bed
visions of snow plows danced through his head.
At 7:03 he awoke with a fright
For Sid seemed to think something else was not right
He went down the stairs in a terrible huff
and found that his kitchen was filled with the stuff!
The windows had opened while it snowed through the night
and covered his kitchen way up to the lights.
There was snow on the counters and snow on the chairs
Snow in the freezer and snow in his hair.
There was snow in the fork drawer and snow filled the pots
There was snow over everything! Snow! Lots and lots!
Now, try to imagine how Sidney must feel.
He had to wear snow shoes to eat every meal!
No waffles for breakfast or hot crunchy toast
snow buried the comforts that Sidney liked most
It must have been hard to find his white dishes
but when one asks for snow one gets what one wishes
For it seemed that the kids in Alaska that day
were hoping that more snow would be on the way
It’s a little known fact in Alaskan state law
If the snow measures 9 feet, there’s no school at all!
So Sidney kept digging to get the snow out
He got madder and madder then started to pout
then suddenly Sidney cried “Hey!” with a shout.
“I do not like snow in my mashed up potatoes
and I do not like snow with my ham
I’m tired of snow in my hair and my toes
and mixed with my strawberry jam!”
He threw down his shovel and stomped with his boots
and ignored all of the kids with their yelps and their whoops
He stomped right through town and stopped at the train
It was leaving that minute for a small town in Maine.
From Maine down to Pittsburg then over to Jersey
Sidney kept going in quite a big hurry
Across the wide ocean, he boarded a freighter
That was bound very far past the Southern Equator
He bought tickets and passes and cards for the train
Determined to never be snowed on again.
So Sidney Tulanska moved to the desert where the days are sunny and hot
Every day he’d look out his window and see what Alaska did not.
Sand! Tons of Sand!
There was sand all around
sand on the ground and sand in the treeses
and sands that were carried by hot tropic breezees
There was sand in the carpet and sand on the beach
and sand stuck in places that Sid couldn’t reach.
And the sun!
So much sun!
There was sun every day!
Sidney turned red in the heat of its rays.
And as he sat sweating and sipping his drink
Sidney tipped back his chair and he started to think.
He thought of Alaska and its mountains and trees
and the snowfall that fell almost up to his knees
Sidney missed chilly breezes and his warm winter fire
he even missed putting big chains on his tires.
He missed making snow men and snow balls and forts
And, realized Sidney, I don’t look good in shorts.
He missed slippy sliding around on the ice
and so Sidney though a trip would be nice.
So Sidney Tulaska moved back to Alaska
just in time for the annual snow
And as he arrived he smiled and he sighed
“I guess home is wherever it snows”.