So it’s 3:30am the morning after our “soft” opening for our educational outreach audience, and I felt pretty good about the show. I think everything is coming together really well, and it’s been…exhausting.
I got a lot of positive feedback and the note that I apparently spit on the second row of audience members (which I think is just impressive), but I am still really nervous for tomorrow’s opening. I have terrible stage fright anyway, and playing a role like Lavinia means so much to me that I think I’ve put double the amount of pressure on myself to succeed in this show.
Counting tonight’s new injuries, my total bruise count for the show is something like 73.
There are moments where I want to collapse and sleep until forever, and there are moments that I want to preserve forever just so I can remember how awesome my life is sometimes.
This is an incredible cast. Tonight we were sitting at The Blue Cat and I just sat looking down the line at everyone talking and laughing in their own discussions and I just, in that moment, felt so lucky to be a part of this group of people.
It’s not about the show–well, partly, I suppose, as the show is the impetus, but it’s more than that. At least to me. And maybe it’s because I’m tired and freaking out about tomorrow so I”m feeling a little sentimental, but as Aaron pointed out to me tonight “we’re a family”….and we kind of are, I suppose.
In the show, we have these necklaces that represent our character’s affiliation to particular Roman gods or Goddesses and identify them as Romans. The average audience member will never know this, but our stage manager Nikki did hours of research on which god or goddess is appropriate for each character, so each character has a specific and unique pendant with one or two gods that best represent their character.
For instance, I have two. At the beginning of the show, I wear a pendant with Fides, the goddess of Loyalty and Laetitia, Goddess of Happiness.
After intermission, my pendant is Muta, the goddess of Silence, and Angerona, a goddess who was thought to relieve people from pain and sorrow.
Everyone’s pendants also have a legit Roman coin dated at about 1, 700 years old. There is something about wearing that much history in a tiny disc around my neck that just boggles my mind absolutely every time I stop to think about what that coin has gone through and seen.
So tonight, I left mine at home like the responsible actor I am, and I had to replace my pendant with a button at the last minute as my personal emblem becomes a key prop later on and I didn’t want to screw over my other actors by making them mime it.
As chance would have it (and I know this is stupid), I left my button version on tonight when we went out and wore it as tonight became the perfect combination of drinks, discussion, goofing around, poor life choices, bad ideas, sword fighting and a gorgeous early-morning/late night thunderstorm that culminated in a fantastic feeling of friendship and general awesomeness at how lucky I am to know the people I know.
I have a great fear that someday, I won’t be able to remember moments like these because it seems like so often, simple moments like yelling Shakespeare in the rain get forgotten to leave space for shopping lists and computer passwords, and that makes me sad. I don’t know why my simple button on a string means so much more to me now, but it’s kind of nice to know that I’ll be able to wear a reminder of such a perfect night when life gets in the way.