Processing Blessings

I think at this point we can all agree I have a pretty good track record of strange and odd things happening to me.

However.
Today was a day that started normal and has ended with me writing this on my phone in a desperate attempt to process WTF just happened today.

So. Went to work, left early as I was headed to Chicago for my awesome Uncle Tim’s wedding. Worked on some monologes and stuff in the car, put together a few ideas for Complete Works, ate French fries, whatever.

So then I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize. I answer. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hello?
Phone: Hi, is this Catie?
Me: Yes?
Phone: Hi, this is Geneva Shakespeare, you had submitted your resume and head shot to us awhile ago?
Me: Oh, yeah, that was me!
Phone: I’m calling because I am looking for a Laertes for our non-gender specific production of Hamlet, and you’ve got a really impressive resume-  I see that you’ve already got experience with the show, would you be able to come in and discuss it further with us?
Me: …..beuhsjakdhavdjHa say wha?

So…we talked. A lot. And while it doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to accept the role because of financial reasons/I can’t move to Geneva a month before I’m supposed to direct a show…that still happened. Someone called and wanted me.

Not only that but it looks like they are excited to talk about working together with Prenzie to do a Shakespeare festival or something, which could lead to bigger and more awesome things for both of our companies. Who knows. It might happen, it might not, but out of nowhere to get a call that could change so much is neat.

Then I checked my email. “One new comment on your blog!”
said the cheery email notification.”Well I wonder who commented”, said I.

Click.

Oh, no big deal. Another guy who is directing Titus had a comment.

Click.

Oh, he’s directing Titus for the second time, that’s neat. He must be a fan.

Click.

Oh. He’s directing Titus. At the World Shakespeare Fest.

……fuck.me.

Now, I understand that the internet is a magical place where 24 year old idiots can be found by people directing Shakespeare at World Shakespeare Festivals. I know that. It’s the magic of Google. But still, you guys.

Seriously?

So, I obviously did the mature and reasonable thing and wrote him a cordial note congratulating him on his sucess and went in with my day.

Just kidding, I cried.

Well, I sent him an email and THEN cried, but it may or may not have included a “in case you need me” section.

Absolutely dumb and ridiculous. I know. But.

Here’s why I did it, as silly and juvenile as it may have been.

I’m not a hippie. I don’t really believe in fate or destiny or whatever. I just believe in working hard and doing what you love and I firmly believe that if you do that, eventually, the fates I don’t believe in will align and good things will happen.

Recently, I have realized that my heart feels weird. I feel torn between these two ideals that I have for myself, that of staying in the QC, establishing myself and being awesome here at home. There is another part of me, however, that is desperate to get out and move and do all the things I’ve been talking about doing for so long. Auditioning. Writing. Whatever.

I’m happy in the QC, don’t get me wrong. But then some guy directing a show at the goddamn World Shakespeare Fest emails me out of the blue and suddenly I’m reminded of how much there is out there and how badly I want to be a part of it.

Do I think I’m going to get a call tomorrow saying that “our Lavinia broke her leg and you, Catie, actress from the Quad Cities whom I’ve never met- you- you are the ONLY one that can fly to England and save our show”?

No, that’s ridiculous. (Okay. Maybe a little bit).

And I think I cried because, in some weird and totally lame way, I’m just….happy for that guy and his cast. I can’t imagine what that must be like, preparing to take your vision and your characters onto an international stage, doing it because you absolutely love it? It’s awe-inspiring just to think about.

His blog is also pretty sweet if you want to check it out.

http://titus2012.wordpress.com/

But things are happening. I can feel it. I have realized that I’m not content to be content NOT doing what I love because it’s easy to excuse as a pipe dream and this is something I have to do. Most of the things I do come easy. It’s always been like that. Acting? Acting is work. Hot, stressful, sweaty, back-breaking, arm bruising, soul expanding heart wrenching work.

And goddamn. Do I fucking love it.

So, I dunno. That’s it, really. I think I just made my choice. I think….I’m going to have to try this.

So, thanks, random strangers.
I appreciate the help.

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