My Reality TV Show Pitch For Theatre People. (An open letter for reality tv producers)

I watch a lot of bad television. A lot.

My guiltiest “can’t look away” pleasure is the hot mess that is Toddlers and Tiaras, but I also really enjoy the assorted bridal shows, since I used to work in alterations and I enjoy watching other people have to put up with idiot brides from the comfort of my couch.

What I’ve noticed, however, is that there aren’t many reality shows directed towards theatre nerd. There was a kick-ass series running for awhile where contestants would compete to be Maria in the Sound of Music or Nancy in Oliver, etc, etc, but they ran in Britain because they said that the American audiences wouldn’t like it .

I disagree.

Full disclosure: This was originally a Facebook note, but now that I have Direct TV and I have access to 250 channels of reality tv show potential, I feel like the time is right to once again remind the good television produces of America that I’m broke and willing to look like an idiot on television if you pay me.

Dear Important Television Producer:

I am not a Real Housewife or in need of a Salon Takeover, nor am I a particularly good chef. I don’t need assistance picking out a $10,000 wedding dress and if I were pregnant, I would not be wearing high heels. However, I do Shakespeare. And so do my friends.

Why is this important? Because while, officially, we may be a “amateur” theatre company, we are very, very good at drama. And not just the Shakespearean kind.

Imagine, if you will, important television producer, a show about a group of people so enamored with 400 year old plays that they sacrifice time, money and sanity in the hopes of putting up a show. Disaster strikes and what goes on behind the scenes is just as (if not more) interesting than what happens on stage.

Our theatre company does not have a permanent space: so you could follow us from the first steps of trying to find a space to auditions to rehearsals to opening night cast parties to the two-part disaster episode that is strike.

We’ve got everyone you’d need to fill out an interesting cast and the human interaction would be a huge selling point. From homeless people stealing the power generator mid-performance to Romeo forgetting his sword during a sword fight, the show practically writes itself!

You’ve got all of the major players needed for a hit reality show– and you could sell this one to everyone– English professors would love it, theatre nerds would obsessively watch it and fans of reality TV drama would watch it for the backstage action.

I have already spoken to Jameson Irish Whiskey and they are willing to provide sponsorship should you choose to give us a pilot run.

Thank you for your time.

PS: We have a couch that turns into a bed. Just saying.

 

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